Wednesdays from the Well....A Pastor's Darkness

A Pastor's Darkness

My soul longs for your salvation;

I hope in your word.

My eyes long for your promise;

  I ask, “When will you comfort me?”

(Psalm 119:81-82, ESV)

The blessings in our daily lives are many, they are far beyond our ability to count. All you have to do is look around and see the things God has done for you. God continues everyday to provide for us in all areas of our lives.

I want to share something with you that happened to me earlier this week. If we are going to walk this road together, I must share this with you. I would expect the same from you when you want to share part of your story with me.

Sunday nights and Monday mornings can be very dark and discouraging times for Pastors. It is a time of reflection that usually leads to the realization of your failures in your ministry journey. The realization of the pain and suffering of your community and your church family is prevalent as well. 

You are spent, worn, and exhausted from a day of both spiritual and physical exertion. There is plenty going on in the daily life of a Pastor, but on Sunday there is an all out assault from the enemy as you spend your energy on all levels in order to love the people God has placed under your care. 

So, after all that, Sunday evening and Monday morning are often difficult times. All in the same moment, there are the joyful reflections as well, so its not always a dark time. It has its seasons that come and go with the calling.

Morning prayer time and silence is a fabric of my being. I practice it every morning and at night as well. It is a practice of a time of silent prayer and silence that I have been doing for quite some time. This is what gives me the strength I need to see beyond the circumstances on those darker days.

This past Sunday evening and Monday morning were particularly challenging. There wasn't a certain individual circumstance or moment, it was just a combination of things. Most of it was a perception problem on my part. As I began late Sunday night to scan my thoughts and scriptures, nothing was happening. The struggle continued into the late evening. I finally just let it be and just read for a while. 

A few hours later, I began to just read my Bible. I read four chapters of Mark and six chapters of Proverbs. Nothing particularly caught me immediately. As I shut the lights off and spent some time in silence, something took place. A peace came over me as I began to think about Jesus' life and what he went through in those four chapters I read. I lay there in silence in the dark with the life of Jesus on my heart. There was no sermon thought or any other deep thread that caught me, it was just Jesus. 

Jesus reached out to me and gave me comfort from the darkness. The scripture from Psalm 119:81-82 I quoted at the beginning of this post began to make sense. Long for God and his salvation, his promise, and you will find comfort. I found it and I didn't even realize it. When I let it all go and began to 'just read', I found Jesus. There is no quick fix for this, you just stay the course. It takes time and commitment,  you can do this as well. Don't give up, stay with it, and you will see.

Don't give up and Keep reading....Trent